How Giving Fear a Name Rooted in Love Can Shift Our Relationship with the World – an Exercise

14

Raise a body part if you’re living with fear!! **all bodies suddenly levitate**

On this lovely Monday, Kelly talks about the fears that have been activated through the process of buying a house during this tumultuous time of inflation. We discuss scarcity mindset, how Kelly is using aspects of her Human Design chart to help her relax into this decision and why naming our fear and creating a loving relationship with it can help us manage living with it. Kendle then guides us through a moment of deep breathing and silence to begin the process of discovering a name for our fear. 

We also talk about:

• Sleeping on decisions 
• How the universe tests our growth 
• The reptilian aspect of the human brain 

Resources:

Find the full episode transcription here

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Transcript

Kendle: Hey, y'all. You're listening to no Offense and a loving and nourishing space created to fuel conversations around personal and collective liberation. We're Kelly Kendle, having vulnerable and intentional conversations full of humor, empathy, and, of course, love. Kelly: Honestly, these episodes are just our opinions, so take no offense, and we invite you to explore yourself through our words. Help grow our community by leaving a review and most importantly, sharing. Now, let's get into some self loving 

Kendle: before we dip into this episode. A little heads up. There is the occasional background noise. We appreciate your patience, understanding, and for being here with us on this journey. Much love, you all. 

[music]

Kendle:What website have you been using? 

Kelly: Jenna Zoes Well, I've been using hers to pull up my actual chart, and it gives me a little breakdown. I've been trying to Google some of the specifics because there's not a lot of information on it, and that's why I just want to do the course. Yeah, but I was doing more diving into it the other day, and it's funny because it kind of relates to the house stuff. 

Kendle: Yeah. 

Kelly: But my chart says that I'm an emotional solar plex. 

Kendle: Okay. I am too. 

Kelly: Are you? So I found a really good article about it or breakdown of what it was, and I was reading it the other day. Basically, long story short, it says I can be very impulsive based off of my emotions. Okay? So I can make decisions. I can do things that are very if I'm feeling very high, I'll do things when I'm feeling very high. And then when I drop low, I always wonder, why did I do that? Or, why did I pick that? Or, I'm not into this anymore. Why did I think I could do that? Because now I'm in this lower vibration. And so for being an emotional solar plex, you have to be able to take the time to take what you're feeling and sit on it and work through that emotion a little bit when you're not so high. So you can really process. And when I tell you about we bought the house, right, I do shit like this all the time. I just randomly will do stuff, like big stuff, too, and it's always out of the blue where I'm like, no, I just kind of feel like doing it right now. And I think that I process it. I have to really sit on that and figure out, like, am I really not processing it, or am I not taking enough time to process certain things or whatever. But when I decided to buy the home, that's kind of what happened. We were sitting we were in our current house. We had conversations about staying here longer, and I was like, great, if we're going to stay here longer, I want to buy furniture. Because we've never really bought furniture for our house before. We've always been very nomad and moving a lot, and it didn't make sense. Right. So for me, it was, okay, we're staying in this house longer. I want to have a home. I want it to feel like a good, positive space and not just like, a temporary situation. So then I started buying furniture. Furniture is back ordered because of supply chain issues and, like, a lot of furniture I ordered months and months ago, and it's still not here. But that gives you just a timeline of how quickly I was like, what's my house? I changed my mind. Buy a house instead. 

Kendle: Did you sleep on it, though? 

Kelly: I mean, we did sit on it a lot. Yeah. And Allen and I had lots of conversations about it because it's a big financial thing. So we spent many days walking. When we got home, we would take Kali out, we would go walk, we would talk about it, we would process it. Yes, we did. And we came to a decision together and really thought about it, and a lot of it was going into I was listening to so many podcasts about money and how it's energy and how it's just like an exchange of things, and when you're living in scarcity mindset all of the time, which I try not to do, but it's very hard because I grew up pretty poor. So a lot of the ideas around money just growing up was always kind of in that scarcity kind of mindset. So learning now how to approach money differently, seeing how to use money differently, and the negative thoughts around money, how that only just brings more to you. Like, I was listening to so much stuff just about that in general, it took some of the fear away because it's like, okay, if this is how we're going to live, and this is how we're going to come to the decisions about money and how we use that, I need to change all of these perceptions around it. So that was helpful in my kind of path of like, hey, listen, we're going to make more money. This home is going to be a place now where we can celebrate family, and my little niece can have birthday parties there. Now, even thinking about the 4 July, I told him, I was like, I can't wait. We're going to have, like, a 4 July party, and the family can be there, and we can go to the pool with Amira. We'll have Thanksgiving dinners here now. And it'll be such a place of community because no one really has a house in our family, which is so weird, or at least a house where it's big enough to host such a large amount of family at one time because Allen has so much family and getting more so, like, in that mindset. But as we were talking last week, there's so many things that really test that I want to stay positive. I want to think about it. But then you have the news where it's talking about the economy and recession and interest rates are crazy and the war that's happening in Ukraine. I mean, all of these things start to compound, and then it really is, okay. I don't want to have these thoughts about money anymore. I don't want to welcome those negative perceptions about money into my life anymore. I know that money is an infinite resource. I will always have money coming to me. I will always attract money. But there's always that little tiny thing, that little tiny thing that's like, no, be scared. It's a scary time. Again, growing up poor, that's a very real space to be able to go back to, because I know what it means and what it's like to not have money, to be poor. And then you told me about the amazing trick of naming the fear something else. I don't know if you want to talk about it. Yeah, because we dived into it a little bit, but I want you to talk about it, and then we can start. I want to name it, address it. 

Kendle: Yeah, definitely. Because I think this is something very real that we all deal with, and it doesn't necessarily have to be money. It could be fear about anything. I have a speaking engagement coming up, and I have fear around it. My dog needs to have surgery, and I have fear around it. Whatever it is, it's fear at the root of it. And my hands are so sweaty. Sorry. 

Kelly: Are you afraid right now? 

[laughter]

Kendle: Probably. I think that it takes so long to get to that place because, as you were saying, it began in childhood. These are how our minds and our brains and our bodies formed, learned to exist in this world. And so, yes, we can say, okay, I want to now be positive about money. I want to pivot. But there's so much more to that, so much more to that. And fear is so loud, and I have lived in fear for so long, and it's very controlling. And I think that naming, as you said, that entity. So, yes, we know it's fear. You can give it a name, though, whatever it is. Patricia alice serendipity? I don't know. Whatever the name is, I think it creates a different relationship with it, and that's what all of this is about. It's creating different relationships with the voices in our heads, with our perception of the world, with our relationship to the world and our relationship to other people. And it kind of becomes a friend. And I need to do this more, too, because I don't even think I realize when I'm existing in fear a lot of times, because it is so subconscious, it is such a place of the world, is terrifying. And I learned that early on. And here I am now existing in this world many years later. Those parts of me are still so activated, though, and so becoming a friend with it. And I think that then that creates a conversation like, hi, Alice, I hear you. I know we're afraid right now. We're going to be okay, babe, thank you for speaking up, for being here. I hear you and I value you. is there something you want to say to me right now or simply I hear you. Please, let's get in the backseat. We're okay today. I got this. And yeah, just trying to have a relationship with it. And I think that this can also apply to anxiety. It can apply to really anything that we are struggling with mentally. Do you have any questions about that or do you want to name it? 

Kelly: I mean, I would love to name it. When you said that to me last week when we were initially talking about it, it literally is such a small thing, but so genius because even the word fear, it's scary. 

Kendle: It Cultivates fear. 

Kelly: Yeah, like just the word fear because of the definition around it, the way that it's used. I mean, fear, that word is just a scary word anyway. And really it's just an emotion. And if I can just change that wording and call it something nice, even Patricia or whatever it is, just taking that even little piece of fear away from the fear. Yeah, it's genius. It's so helpful. And then you can you can just kind of talk to it and recognize it. And since you're talking to it and calling it by a name, it doesn't seem as scary anymore. Do you have a name for your fear? 

Kendle: I don't. I think I need one, though. 

Kelly: I think we should both name it. I've been sitting on it a little bit since we talked. I think a name is easy, but I'm like, can I just find like a fun, nice word? So then when I drop it, it no longer has that scary oh, fear. I need to talk to you today. What's going on? 

Kendle: It could be bubbles, it could be cup, it could be bamboo. It can be anything, really. And I think exactly as you were saying, making it fun, making it more of a name that's rooted in love because that's the part of us that is scared. Fear exists for a reason. Our egos exist for a reason. They are protecting us. We still have reptilian aspects of our brain and those are the fear based aspects of our brain. And learning to work with the fear and letting it know that it is okay, I think is what all of this is about because none of these things are really ever going to go away. Maybe they will. I think that fear is just going to continue to show up and evolve as we show up and we evolve and life brings us life. And maybe the name will change in relation to the fear that is existing so if you're having fear around this money and the house and everything, maybe it's loofah or something that makes you think of a home. But I think that's the thing. It can be so unique and individualized and personal and just making it fun, though, making it a friend. 

Kelly: No, I love that you said we can change it. And maybe the fear right now is about your house. So let's use a word that makes it feel good and positive so when you address it, you feel kind of good and more positive. A place from love that you're coming to with this conversation with yourself. No, I love that you said you can. Let's change it. 

Kendle: Yeah. 

Kelly: Maybe you have a general one. If you're just feeling afraid for whatever reason, your anxiety, or if it is something that's kind of consistently in the back of your mind, like, mine is a house right now and everything that's happening in the world based off of the housing market, let's change that into something more positive. So when I think about it and talk to it, I'm remembering why we're doing this, why we're buying a home, even if it's statistically, maybe not the smartest based off of what the news is telling you and just knowing it's going to work out right in the end, no matter what happens, it's always going to work out. Everything that we do, it serves a purpose. Even if it's maybe a negative outcome, it was still put in your life for a reason, whether it was a learning opportunity, whether it was just something you needed to experience to get to your next level. So just taking that fear piece away. I don't know. I want to think about the name, though. Kendle: Yeah, let's do it.

[music]

Kendle: Hello. Hello. Hello. We hope that you all are enjoying this episode and that it is bringing you everything you were seeking. We are coming to you today in this moment to ask, do you have a business? Do you want some advertising? If so, we would love to link up with you. We love collaborating. We love connecting. We love sharing the work that you are doing in this world. And we would be so honored to halt space in our episodes to tell people about your business. So if this feels aligned for you, please reach out to us. Slide into the DMs, send us an email, whatever works for you. We also accept carrier pigeons. We cannot wait to hear from you, and we hope that you enjoy the rest of this episode. Much love, y'all.

[music]

Kendle: If it feels accessible, if you have a fear that you're sitting with and want to create a conversation with, I think that we all just take five deep breaths into our nose and out through our mouth and sit in silence for a moment and see what comes. Okay? So just getting comfortable, taking any movements. We're going to breathe in through our nose and out through our mouth. When you feel ready, deep breath in through the nose. Now through the mouth. And you can sigh it out. Shake it out. two more. Just like that. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale sigh it out. 

In a moment of silence, your eyes opened or closed. Allow yourself to get into a space of joy, space of creativity and love. Get funky with it.

[silence]

Kendle: If you feel like you could use more time, invite you to pause and come back to us. Kelly, do you feel ready or do you need more time? 

Kelly: I feel like I need more time. Nothing came to me. But I did love that, because, again, the fear of the house, everything that I was just thinking about and everything that just came to me was all of these amazing memories that we're going to make in this home. I saw hosting my niece's birthday party there and so happy that I have a space for her to go to that would be so much fun. And then I even saw my aunties from Korea coming to visit and being able to stay with us, and I could see them literally sitting on the kitchen floor with their big plastic bins making kimchi. And I see this is a house, potentially, that Allen and I are going to start a family in. I see that this is the house where it's going to be such a creative space for us, and a space where Alan can dive into and explore what he wants to do for his career. All that I was just thinking. So I would love to continue the visualization of that to lead me to the word, but I definitely would need more time. But that brief, just moment made that fear go away because all I focused on was the love that was going to be in this home. 

Kendle: That’s beautiful. I love that a lot. 

Kelly: Yeah. So thank you. 

Kendle: Yeah, absolutely. I was thinking about the fears that I've been having, and I think this is a fear I've had for a very long time of how I'm received in the world what other people think of me and being afraid to be my unique expression of who I am. I know I'm very nontraditional, and wrapped into that is the podcast and starting mustard shower evolution and really jumping and trusting that I will be able to support myself and generate a livelihood from these things. And so I was kind of, like, thinking about a little bit of money in there, a little bit of just trying to give myself permission to be my unique self. And we've been growing a garden, and we have the zucchini plant that is freaking so great. And I love all the zucchinis. They come out so unique and different every time. And so I decided I'm going to name it Zucchini.

Yeah, that's fun, because I think it's like I get that visual with it, too. I'm visualizing all of the we've had. I think four Zucchinis come to come to their maturity, and they've all looked so different and unique. And also, just the color green, I think is very calming and also, in a way, relates to money.

Kelly: Well, I love that I'll sit on that, and the next time we talk, I'll see what the name is. 

Kendle: Yeah, definitely. And I think the beauty of this is that we don't have to have the answer and it also can change. Right. It's like, okay, Zucchini isn't working for me, or, I'm still sitting with it because I'm just living in the expression of the love and the joy that it's cultivating and seeing where that goes. 

Kelly: Well, I love this self care Monday. Thank you, Kenny. It was the best ever. I love talking to Kenny. She always makes me feel so good. So I'm so glad we were able to share this with everybody. 

Kendle: Yeah, me too. It's a nice little self love Monday.

Kendle: Thank you for holding space for this conversation. We hope it was extensively. As a new podcast, it would mean the world if you could please help us grow our community by leaving a review and sharing this episode. 

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