Influential Tools and Lifestyle Changes Kelly Integrated to Overcome a Season of Depression

15 

If anyone hasn't told you lately, look back at it!!

In this solo episode, Kelly is living life on her honeymoon/anniversary and reflecting on the changes in her mental, spiritual, and physical state from a year ago at this same resort. She takes us through the tools, perspectives, and mindset shifts she has been tapping into to help move out of depression. Talk about metamorphosis!!!

She also talks about:

• Tarot cards she pulled for inspiration
• What depression shows her
• The effects of living too much in masculine energy
• Birth control
• How the body holds onto trauma 
• Taking things in neutrally 

Resources:

Kelly's Pilates Instructor: Tammy Brighton, Pilates in Parker
Yoni Steam
Accessible Therapy: Betterhelp - They have financial aid and offer significant discounts if you pay for months/a year at a time. 
Book: The Values Factor by Dr. John Demartini
Biddy Tarot

Find the full episode transcription here

Suicide Prevention Lifeline: call 988 to be connected with a trained professional
Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor

Follow us on: 
TikTok:
@nooffenseand
Instagram:
@nooffenseand_podcast
@kelly.haze
@amustardshower

Email: nooffenseand@gmail.com

Send us your feedback here
Subscribe to our email list here 

We acknowledge we are operating on the occupied land of the Ute, Arapahoe, and Cheyenne peoples colonized as Denver - we pay our respects to those past, present, and future. We also acknowledge this statement is not enough and are committed to giving a portion of our proceeds to the people whose land we occupy and are in the process of getting a true land reverence.

Transcript

[music]

Kendle: Hey, y'all. You're listening to no Offense and a loving and nourishing space created to fuel conversations around personal and collective liberation. We're Kelly Kendall, having vulnerable and intentional conversations full of humor, empathy, and, of course, love. Kelly: Honestly, these episodes are just our opinions, so take no offense and we invite you to explore yourself through our words, help grow our community by leaving a review and most importantly, sharing. Now, let's get into some self loving before we dip into this episode. 

Kendle: A little heads up. There is the occasional background noise. We appreciate your patience, understanding, and for being here with us on this journey.

[music]

Kelly: 

Oh, my goodness. I'm so excited. This is going to be my very first solo episode with you all. Me and Kenny are separated. She's at a wedding right now. I hope she's having the best time ever. I totally miss her. And it's kind of weird to not be recording with her right now because the last several weeks we've been recording together and I miss her. But here's my first one, and I'm so excited. And while Kenny is enjoying California right now, I am in Mexico with my husband celebrating our honeymoon, anniversary, whatever you want to call it. So last year, actually, today, it's our one year anniversary. Last year, today we were in the same resort celebrating our honeymoon because we had gotten married at the courthouse. And now we are back here for our anniversary, and we just had our actual wedding celebration last month with our family. So it's kind of like a honeymoon again, ish. I don't know. I'll take it. It's amazing. I'm literally sitting in my room recording a podcast. I shoot my husband out of the room so I could record, but we got a swim out room from the hotel. He really wanted that this year. I gave up my oh so spoiled ocean view room so he could have this pool, and I just got to see him out there being all sexy. My husband of one year. It's crazy. And what's even more crazy is one year ago, how it was feeling versus today. And I just wanted to share this episode with you all. Really, the intention is just to give you hope. If you are listening to this and you are in a very similar mindset to how I was feeling last year, or if you're even in some of the same experiences I'm having right now, where I'm just now coming out of this depression, I'm just now trying to refigure out who I am in this world, who I am to myself, who I want to be. And in that transition process, I hope this is also inspirational for you, or even if you are just a badass bitch and you got your shit together, hopefully it's entertaining and you just want to listen and potentially share with maybe a friend or family member that is relating to this a little bit more so hopefully through the story again, you'll have some hope. And I'll also just tell you some of the steps that I've done. So if you're kind of in this transition, if I'm telling you something new that you haven't tried yet, please encourage you to try some of these things. If you've done them before and they have worked out for you, please share your story. But to those DMs, send us a message. Anything we would love to hear from you guys. This whole podcast is about spreading love and building a community and having that to share with everyone. So I would love to hear some of your success I said sex. It's my honeymoon anniversary. Sorry. But some of your success stories and hopefully something that we can share to others through this platform. So I guess I'll just jump into it. I really just want to kind of talk about, I guess, how I was feeling last year. Last year, for me, I was pretty depressed. I felt like shit for a long time. I mean, I was depressed. Luckily, I didn't have suicidal thoughts, which I have had suicidal thoughts before in the past. This time they were thoughts of more so just wanting to hurt myself, which is not healthy, obviously. And I didn't think I was going to get emotional. I would cry myself to sleep at night. I just started to feel so worthless. I'm alone and sad and I didn't want to get out of bed. Showering for me, like, getting up on my days off and saying, okay, I'm taking a shower, that was a lot for me. That was a goal for the day, which is crazy. Like, just get up and take a shower. I was working a job, and that was super helpful, kept my mind distracted. But the job that I was going to every day, I was not feeling very supported. I was really overwhelmed. We were super busy. I had, I believe, the second highest sales for the entire state, and that was just by myself doing that. While all of the other communities that were hitting close to my number, I think the one other community that hit over my numbers, they had a partner and help. I did all of that by myself, and I was asking my company for help and they kind of brushed it off, but I was totally being overworked, overwhelmed, underpaid. Yeah, it sucked. And 2020 was happening a couple of years ago and everything that happened through that, I'm sure we all share some very similar experiences with just the fear of thinking the world was going to be over. The Black Lives Matter stuff happened. I was dealing with a bunch of really crappy friends and they were just bringing down my vibe and my energy, and they just weren't really healthy for me. And they were definitely friendships that needed to go, which is fine because, oh my goodness, my life right now is way better than it was this time last year. And I think I've already talked about this in one of the episodes, the birth control. The birth control definitely was a huge triggering point for kind of just letting years and years and years of unresolved issues get swept under the rug, mixed with all of the things that I just mentioned. And then on top of that, it just made me spiral into this deep, deep depression because I had been purging off of birth control for so long and regaining my mental clarity, and then I put this toxic thing in my body. And I'm not saying birth control is bad, but it was toxic for my body. That's how my body responded to it. So I'm talking from my experience through this. And that depression was tough and not to mention like, my sex drive was down because birth control just does that for me also. And that's not fun either. So all of these things just kind of accumulated and those are some of the things that I was feeling and going through. I did need some inspiration for kind of recording this. With this one being my first one, I was definitely nervous. I'm still nervous, but I decided to pull some Tarot. One of the newer things that I started to do from my transition and growth between last year and how I'm feeling now is kind of getting into that world. Believe what you want to believe, but I love Tarot. I'm learning it. I'm super newbie right now, but it's been super interesting. I feel like it's just helpful for me to really, like, get in tap with how I'm actually feeling and my emotions and allows me to do some soul searching and deep diving. And that's kind of how I've been using the Tarot lately anyway, so I definitely wanted to pull a card. I definitely was giving gratitude to the cards. I was calling for St. Michael and Venus to help protect me, give me wisdom. And the card that I picked was the High Priestess, which I thought was very interesting, especially since I just received the Magician card not too long ago from one of the candles that I had bought. And I had a necklace Tarot card that was inside of it. So the High Priestess is something that definitely correlates really well with it. And it kind of gets even weirder as I get more into the podcast. We'll talk about it here in a second. But essentially, the High Priestess is about intuition, sacred knowledge, divine feminine, subconscious, mind. It's the balance between the feminine and the masculine. The quote unquote dark and light. For this card, knowledge and acceptance of duality, you'll have to require those types of things to enter the sacred space. The Magician is basically the conscious or the tangible world. So that card that I just pulled and the High Priestess is the subconscious, the sacred knowledge and hidden mysteries kind of world. You can kind of not realize sometimes that the world that you're in isn't necessarily the world that you see and there are answers within your deepest truth and knowing heightened intuitive abilities are right now. And we're called to the Divine Feminine to have compassion, empathy, and inner wisdom. And really, when I read that, it totally feels like the journey that I just had last year and kind of this transition coming into this year. And I did pull another card to kind of see what that poor trajection from the High Priestess would be. So we'll dive into that here in just a second. But all of those really spoke to me. And I feel like one thing that I can really appreciate about my depression, a, is the more times I fall into these episodes, the more I've been able to kind of realize that I'm in one. So I'm getting better at trying to control it and also not letting it get to me as badly as I know it can. Trying to recognize it early, basically. So I'm blessed and grateful for that. But also when I feel like I'm in these really depressive states, the one thing that it always leads me to is what is my purpose? What am I lacking? I feel like that's when I start feeling the worst, right? If I start to feel lost and I want to know, what am I supposed to be doing? I know I meant on this Earth to do more than what I am right now in more ways than one. Financially with my family, spiritually with contributing to the collective and making the world a better place, a place that's beautiful for all to live in, a place for all to benefit from, a place for all to have an abundant, prosperous life just full of happiness and love. And so when I'm really depressed, that's kind of what it triggers. So depression for me is definitely like a sign, right? I've let a lot of things kind of get swept under the rug for too long, and now it's becoming super toxic, not only in my mental health, but my physical health was dwindling last year. I mean, I'm still trying to fight through some pain that's in my body. Thank goodness for Pilates. Shout out to Tammy. She's literally helped my body heal so much. And Pilates has been amazing with just helping me reconnect with my mind and my body and my spirit through the breath, just recognizing how my body feels. Because when I was really depressed last year, I was doing Pilates, and I was just thinking to myself, like, whoa, my body and my mind are not connected. And I can't even tell you the last time that I remember them being connected. So she's been helping me through that. It's been a long and tedious journey, and it kind of loops into the masculine piece to the card and how I definitely have been feeling over the last year. Plus is me living in my masculine energy and completely neglecting my feminine energy. Of course I want to have a balance of the two. But for so long I've been such a masculine energy dominant person, which I love. It's helped me become this strong, powerful, beautiful woman that I am today. I'm successful, I'm competitive, I want to win, and there's nothing wrong with that. But at the same time, it was driven so hard for so long that I've completely neglected that feminine side, that creative side, that side.

And I think some of the depression was because of that. All of the lack of really like talking to myself or understanding myself, allowing me to be very connected because I was just so driven by success and achieving and everything else. Granted, there are other issues, right? Some of the long term issues from childhood that were also being swept under the rug and that ties into that. But just being in that masculine energy was becoming toxic because I didn't have balance and it was making it toxic. I feel like in my relationship. Or at least that's how I was feeling. I was living so much in this masculine energy that I couldn't trust my own husband. Which was causing a lot of issues and not because I thought he was going to cheat on me or anything like that. But having that vulnerability with my husband or someone that I love was so hard for me. It's always been hard for me. It's something that I'm trying to work through right now and it's a work in progress. Just because I feel great today doesn't mean that I'm continuously needing to work. Nor does it mean I'm perfect, nor do I want to be perfect anymore. It's just I had to be in control of everything and I felt like was pushing his masculine energy down and it was too much of a feminine now coming out and it was just this whole battle, right? So I've been doing just like little things to try and step away from that masculine energy, right? Because it's scary. Especially if you're like me and you're just like a masculine, driven woman. You're successful, you're the boss, bitch, whatever. But little things like I'm just going to wait for him to open the door. I know he'll open the door because he's a gentleman, but sometimes I'm going to be there first. I'm going to open myself like, no, if I get there before, I'm just going to wait for him to open it. Just little things like that.

[music]

Okay. So I know I might be a little bit biased, but I am obsessed with the jewelry from Chrysalishaze.com. I don't know about you, but I am tired of wasting my money on jewelry that turned my fingers green after I wash my hands or putting earrings in and they burned my ears. Or the gold starts completely fade off and I end up having to throw it away and it sits in a landfill forever. It literally breaks my heart. So I love that Chrysalis Hayes is an attainable luxury, gold filled and sterling silver jewelry brand that was made to last. Plus, my word, I feel like a bad bitch. We also love that packaging is compostable. They are focused on sustainability, and if you properly take care of your jewelry, it won't fade. So you can wear it year after year. Go check them out at chrysalishaze.com, Chrysalishaze.com, and check them out on Instagram at Chrysalis Haze. Now let's get back to the show. 

[music]

I know it can be hard to be in your feminine because you need a super safe space. So communication with my husband has been improved, but again, when I was depressed, I was just so unable to do that right. I couldn't even trust myself, nonetheless trust somebody else. But that's definitely helped tremendously with me being able to step into that energy and definitely being more creative. Being in your masculine, you're not as expressive and so feeling so focused on goals and success and work, especially me being in sales where it's like super competitive and I'm competitive anyway, and you put that over anything else. I wasn't focused on myself at all. I was just so focused on work and it was just taking a toll on my mental health and I didn't really have time to do anything else, nor have energy really to do anything else besides watch TV. And like, that was just too much. TV just makes my brain start to melt a little bit. There's only so much Kardashians, you know, that I can watch at a time and stepping out of that and going into a more creative space, doing things like this podcast dabbling, I guess in TikTok. Social media for me, legit is so scary that I'm really doing my best, but it's super time consuming, it's intimidating. I've always felt some type of way about social media. I feel like it can be super toxic, so I have to be careful with myself too. But dabbling in that because hopefully that can just be like a better creative space, a better outlet, and then journaling and writing again has all been super helpful and especially trying to do it during the times of when I'm actually menstruating. So we'll kind of jump into that is kind of that journey that I had about my womb space, the birth control I was taking because I had so much anxiety around it. And honestly, I feel like a lot of the birth control I've had over the many years have probably contributed a lot to my mental health throughout all of this time up until kind of this triggering point that I've been going through over the last couple of years is the anxiety that I have around getting my period once a month. Because my pain was so debilitating, I wasn't able to really do anything for the day. And after going to the doctor and finding out that they couldn't see anything medically wrong, I was tired of hearing the same thing from the doctors over and over. You guys can listen to the birth control episode about some of that. But I knew something was wrong, right? Just because they couldn't see something from the one scan that they've done is, I know there's something wrong. What can I do? I need to fix it. I can't do birth control anymore. That was absolutely the last draw last year, especially seeing how big of a difference I had between when I got off of it and then back on it and having conversations with people about it and saying, hey, I bet you hold trauma in that space, and diving into when the pain really started and what was happening in my life during that time. I mean, really self reflecting some of those memories that I haven't really wanted to think about for so long, but coming to the conclusion like, yeah, that's probably right. I mean, if nothing else is, quote unquote, wrong with me, trauma is held on the body, and if that energy is not released, it's just going to be stagnant. And taking birth control is not a cure for anything. It is a bandaid to put over your symptoms. It's not fixing anything. So I met Elizabeth at the beginning of this year. I think it was February. Elizabeth is our psychic at Cosmic Tea, and she was really a big turning point for me in my journey from kind of that transition of last year to this year. I had been doing things and actively working on myself before I saw her for the first time. But after meeting her for the first time, she was just kind of like, oh, no, bitch. Like, you need to get it together, figure it out, and let's keep it pushing. And I totally did, which was amazing. And she introduced me to Rebecca, also at Cosmic Tea. She's a womb healer. And so I went to go and see her to do a yoni steam and a womb healing. And basically a yoni steam is like legit. You sit on a tub of beautiful herbal roses and whatever else she puts in there, and you let your busy steam, and she's like, chanting over you. And it's magical. And you're breathing, and she's guiding you through this kind of meditation. It is magical. I don't even know what else to say. I'll talk about if you guys want more in depth of what that was like for me in that process, I can in another episode, let me know. But I was doing the yoni steam. I had to actually buy her and two womb healing and just kind of learning a little bit about womb health and massaging your womb space, and it just also released so much, like, emotional, just like, energy from my body. So much has been pent up inside of me for so long, and I've been locking it away and keeping it tight that it just felt good to just let it go and let someone rid that from you and throw it away. And then also, I've of course, found an acupuncturist. I was seeing an punctuate for a while and nothing was really working. And then I was speaking to a friend who specializes in numerology. So I hope that I can convince her to come on the podcast and share that wisdom with you guys because it's so fascinating. Hashtag angel numbers. And she recommended a Chinese train legit acupuncture. So I drive like 45, 50 minutes away once a week to go see this lady. She came to America about 16 years ago. She's practicing here and oh, my goodness, the difference I've been able to see again, acupuncturist, they stick the needles in it's to help move energy. The Chinese train about the body and these pressure points, everything. And so I go there, she pricks me. She also gave me some natural herbal medication, or supplements, I guess I should say. So I take them before my period, and then five days before my period actually starts, I do the second supplement. And then it's supposed to help the cramping and the pain and the heaviness and just everything. Because she even said, based off of my story, what I was telling her, how I don't think I have endometriosis because I have not been actually diagnosed with it. I do have symptoms of it, but endometriosis is hard to know. If you have we can talk about all of that also in another episode, but nothing medically, quote unquote, is wrong with me. So she's telling me about how there's too much negative energy and only a little bit, or chi. In China, they call energy chi. So there's a lot of negative chi, like in my spleen, and there's an imbalance of the chi between my spleen and my liver. And so she was like, I can totally help you, which was amazing. And I've seen her for a couple of months now, and I have seen a difference. I mean, I'm still in pain, but I'm taking less medications now, as in tons and tons of Tylenol and ibuprofen. I'm not throwing up anymore. I'm still in bed, heating, pad, relaxing. I think I may always do that, even if the pain goes away completely, which would be amazing. I'm a woman. And again, going into that feminine energy and not neglecting your womb space, all of those things, is, I'm on my period today. Today is a time for my body to relax. It is a time for me to be creative in this most magical time of the month for my cycle. I'm probably still going to take work off just because I'm a woman and I can, and I should be able to. Men have no idea what it's like to have to go through that. So, again, my body, my choice. But yeah, just doing those types of things, giving my womb space. Just love and thanks. We talked about this leading up to the wedding. Just love and thanks. My period was so late this time, it literally was probably going to start almost on the day that we came to Mexico, but it started a couple of days earlier. And just, again, thank you. And even if you did come on that day, just having more grace and appreciation for my body and giving it more love and care and attention and yeah, just having that overall gratitude and everything. Also a big transition piece between kind of that love and that nurturing that I've been doing for my womb is going to therapy. One thing I can appreciate, even though last year my job was really tough on me, at least I was making really good money and I've been able to spend a lot of money on a lot of these things that I'm taking advantage of. Like Acupuncture, I know is not cheap doing yoni steams, but you can do yoni steams at home. So, yes, a lot of the things I talk about, I am blessed. I'm grateful for my job to pay for these. I know a lot of people can't afford this. So, again, this is why we're trying to start this podcast, having some of these education pieces. If you have the means to do some of these things, great. If you don't, try and save up for them. And of course, the Self Love Mondays, we always want to try and give some accessible ways to love yourself, nurture yourself, take care of yourself. But therapy, therapy was definitely a good turning point for me. My advice on therapy, because I have had therapy before in the past, is finding a therapist is kind of like a hairdresser. There's a ton of them, not all of them are for you. So try and find someone that you do like because therapy, I believe, works if you can find someone that fits you. I know Kendall has some resources for, I think, less expensive therapy, more accessible therapy. We'll put those in the show notes. But I found a therapist. She's great. It was just been so nice to be able to really talk to her, have her talk to me. I told her thank you after our first session because when I was telling her everything in our first session, the look in her eyes I could see probably for the first time, at least in a long time, was empathy. Just thinking about it is going to make me cry. And feeling that bit of human to human connection again in that way was so impactful for me. I knew she was going to be great, but getting to talk through a lot of those things and her really helping me navigate through refinding my values, which I think was super important. I've been so lost and distracted from who I really am and who I think I am and who I want to be and who I've been that I've really lost the essence of me. So working through those values was really great. Divine timing. That project was very hard for me. You would think values seems like a basic concept, but to me it was not. It was very hard. My girlfriend was like, oh, I'm reading this book about values. And I was like, Shut up. Can I borrow it? So I did read a book about values. I didn't read the whole thing. I read bits and pieces of it. I have exercises. I can link those in that book, in the show notes also. It was very helpful. I think I'll continue to read it once I feel called to it. But it did service purpose, but worked on my values, really saw what are they and what are my values about me. Not things that are based on other people. Like, yes, I wouldn't be a good person, but that's for other people, right? What are the values that I really care about and got to focus on those. So I think I've talked about this before, but travel was a big one. I feel like having that ability to travel just opens up my mind. And getting to learn new cultures and new perspectives and seeing different ways of life are something that my being is craving. So how important it is to know that those values can change over time. They can be very basic in the very beginning. They don't have to be these huge, elaborate, life changing things, but they can be very small and basic and you can grow into different values, small mindset. Adjustments that I've had has been huge. Little ways of talking to myself instead of, I hope I'll be able to do this, I am doing this. Even recording this podcast for my solo episode. Again, so nervous and for so long, I would let those nerves get to me. I'm too afraid. I don't think I can do it. It's not perfect. I don't want to. But no, instead of, I think I can do it, I think I can record my first one now, girl. Before I started to record, I sat there in a couple of deep breaths and I pep talk myself. I was like, no, you're a bad ass bitch. You got this. You look sexy in hell in Mexico. You are literally living your best life right now, living your dream, looking at the water, looking at my fine husband outside recording a freaking podcast. Like, this is amazing. Just do it. So those small talks and my husband and I have been definitely been trying to keep each other accountable. Like, when we catch each other saying those small things like, wait, what are we doing? Hang on, what are. We trying to manifest here, we're not trying to manifest this like half, half energy. Okay? Definitely in doing that and taking breaks to stop and be thankful in moments even as small as finding things like a penny on the ground. Thank you, universe. Money just sloped me easily. I love this. I just found a penny and I'm sorry, but if you're too good for a penny, maybe that's why you're not getting what you want. When it comes to finances, I'm just saying. Also, one of the big ones is definitely plus placing less emphasis on external validation measures. So not letting other people's really, opinions impact me as much, just other people's thoughts or ideas on what I should do, how I should do it, what I should be, what I should look like, media market, I mean, all of that stuff, right? And trying to take outside things in neutrally. So if someone's being super great to me, it's just as neutral as someone being super negative to me. Trying to neutralize that external shift to my vibration. Definitely managing that more myself and breaking free from my own limiting beliefs, breaking free from that cage that I was living my life in, that I was keeping myself in, that the depression was trapping my mind in all of those types of things. So I want to also jump into reading the second card that I pulled. Honestly, I don't know if I'm saying this right, but again, I'm just now starting tarot, but it's the Hirofent card and I pulled it in reverse and basically it says it's for personal beliefs, freedom, challenging the status quo. It's so funny because again, it's correlated with not only the Magician card, but the High Priestess card because this is going to be the masculine counterpart for the High Priestess, also known as the teacher. And the task is to pass down wisdom. Honestly, when I was depressed, I wanted to share my journey with you guys. And for a while now, I've been thinking about doing a podcast and I thought it would be amazing to be able to do it while I was depressed and kind of like share through those moments while I was feeling them. Now they feel like such a distant memory, sometimes challenging, but I wanted to do it while I was in that depressive episode, but I just couldn't. If you've ever been depressed before, you know what I mean? I couldn't. But as I was starting to get healthier, I mean, this was just called to me and I met Kendall and everything's worked out amazingly. And Kendall and I met through breath work. Breath work was definitely something that's helped me kind of get through a lot of that negative energy that's been stagnant in my body. Pushing through that as I was getting more clarity in my conscious breathwork sessions. The podcast came to me and again. Feeding into that feminine divine. But wanting to really share this podcast. My stories. My journey and my knowledge. Just to hopefully help others through their experiences. Pushing them to that next level. Inspiring them to be the best versions of themselves and doing it in such an authentic way. Because if I'm vulnerable and I'm authentic, I want others to be able to be vulnerable and authentic in their own lives. And as I was continuing to read the card, it says moving forward. It says that I'm my own teacher. When trying to find myself again, I had to find like, my values. One of the biggest values oh, here's. One of the biggest values I had was knowledge and this path of learning through books and therapy, spirituality. Other people's podcasts have been instrumental in my health and surrounding myself with what I want, what I need, not masking everything with mediocre relationships and the negativity on social media, just again, those external factors and allowing my wisdom to come through within. And I'm going to read a section of the card for you. I wanted to pull this up on my laptop, but my laptop isn't charged. I honestly don't know how to get it onto the internet right now. I tried, but I couldn't get it onto the internet from Mexico. So I'm going to read this portion of the card. So again, I pulled the card in reverse. It says, you no longer need external approval to succeed. You are ready to go it alone and do it your way, even if that means going against convention. Give yourself permission to trust your inner guidance system as you create your own path forward. It's about challenging the status quo. We see alternative ways to view the world and are ready to test the very ideas and concepts you were taught were the truth. You no longer accept the rigid structures, tradition and dogma surrounding you. Instead, you seek out opportunities to rebel and reclaim your personal power. If you feel restricted or constrained and have lost your sense of freedom and flexibility, now is the time to make your own rules. It encourages you to examine the way we do things around here and ask yourself whether it aligns with your values. You may have been running on autopilot so far and allowing the crowd, but now you see and following the crowd, but now you see that changes need to be made. Take further the hierophant. Reverse is like the rebellious teenager who begins to question society and take part in anti institutional activities. There may be a run in with authorities or conflict with a parent or authoritative figure. Anyone has known me from the past, they know that I'm just a little looks like an angel, acts like a double, kind of fine, you know? And one of the values is like being a free spirit. So definitely just reconnecting with myself in that way, creating my own rules. I've already told Kenny for this podcast, like, there are no rules. There are no limits. It's ours. We can do whatever we want. And honestly, if I can encourage other people to start living their lives with that attitude, it's going to make such a difference. But always live and let live, y'all, okay, like, live your life, do what you want, but please only do it if it's for the good of everyone. Like, don't hurt anybody. That's not it. I've never been about that. Neither has Kenny. So take our wisdom and advice and make it into something positive. I asked my husband what he thought, what the biggest difference between last year and this year was. And granddad. I put him on the spot a little bit, but he was like, for sure the positivity. It's the positive mindset, it's the positive attitude. It's just looking through the lens differently. It's just changing your thoughts from I think I can to I am doing those types of things, being isolated last year, wanting to hurt myself last year, being unable to talk to anyone, sure how I was feeling. I mean, it sucked. But now I'm in this place where this trip, instead of me feeling all types of ways and stir crazy about the wedding and just not feeling great, now we're here having the best time. We're having conversations about having a baby or buying a house. I shouldn't even say a house, we're buying our first home. There are so many amazing things that have happened in a year and I'm 100% still working through my shame. I'm trying to fight my protective self, trying to allow my body to get out of fight or flight. Telling my protective self, like, hey, no, that serves me, then that no longer serves me. Now we need to find new coping ways to get through this, healthier ways and working through my perfectionism, through everything. I mean, even doing this podcast, I was like, no, I can't. I'm so overwhelmed. It's not perfect. I'm going to mess up what's happening. But again, not allowing that to consume me. That's why I had to take some deep breaths and be like, no, girl, you are a bad bitch. If all of that can happen for me in a year, I know that can happen for other people. I just want to point out some of the key things that really helped me through. Definitely like the yoni steam, the self care, even just taking baths, taking a minute to take a bath, put some essence all in there no social media, some meditation, music, dim the lights, put some candles on. Listening to a positive podcast about being your best self, you are who you surround yourself with the most. And if you don't have someone good to surround yourself with. Like. It's a family member. It's a partner. It's friends. It's social media. Whatever it is. Start listening to and consuming and following people that are good for your mental health and allow those five people that you're listening to and consuming and following to be the ones that are really inspiring you and lifting you up instead of making you feel worse. Listening to my body, it seems like a simple one, but I know how hard that can be. Just take a couple of deep breaths every once in a while. Close your eyes, in really deep, out really deep, and just listen to what you have to tell yourself every once in a while. Listen to what your body is wanting you to know. Going to therapy. Working through the values. Gaining as much knowledge as possible through reading books and podcasts and spirituality. Getting connected with that. Whatever that means for you. Whether that's a church that is all about love and acceptance for all. Doing spiritual things. Practicing Buddhism. Whatever that means for you. Going to that space and making sure that space you're going to for your advice is aligned with your true values and doing some small mindset shifts. Just switching instead of. I don't want to be late. I don't want to be late. I don't want to be late. I'm going to be on time and really focusing on where your energy is going to and limiting how much of that energy you're allowing to give. And I think definitely the biggest one is gratitude. And don't feel guilty or have shame around gratitude. I remember talking to my therapist and I tell her, I have such a great life. I shouldn't complain. I have a husband, a partner that loves me, I'm healthy. There's all of these things in my life that I should be grateful for. And here I am sitting like a mess, not wanting to live. And she was telling me, when you say that, I feel so bad because just hearing you talk so negatively about yourself, about gratitude, is negative. And I didn't even realize it. Like I'm being so negative towards myself about being grateful for things. So having gratitude, even having gratitude in yourself. And I think one of the biggest things, even when I was reading the High Priestess Card, right, is having those answers that are within your deepest truth and knowing heightened intuitive abilities and calling to embrace your divine feminine compassion. Empathy and inner wisdom, that compassion for yourself, the empathy for yourself, and then the empathy for others, and that inner wisdom. Like, you are anything you want to be. You just have to tap in. Well, that was my first solo episode about my transitional year from last year to the state today to now. I hope it bring you some joy. I hope it bring you anything that you needed today. So I miss you, Kenny. Shout out, Kenny. Love you, girl. I got to let my husband back in the room so he doesn't feel like I just vanished him there forever. And we will talk to you again next week.

Kendle: Thank you for holding space with this conversation. We hope it was expansive. As a new podcast, it would mean the world if you could please help us grow our community by leaving your review and sharing this episode. 

Kelly: Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss out on any of the juicy conversations. We would love to connect with you, so follow us on TikTok Instagram and our patreon coming soon. Bye.