Anxiety & the Best Orgasm of Her Life - Kelly Got Married

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What is more stressful, the planning of your wedding or your family? Can you feel the anxiety towards the big day, when all members in the family are divorced, blended, and haven't ever been in the same room together? Add being the glue that keeps the broken pieces together, the anxiety was palpable. 

In this episode, we learn how old versions of Kelly would have retreated and crumbled but she challenged herself to lead the day with love. She worked through family drama and arguments by writing appreciation letters to ease tensions. Instead of letting negative thoughts and anxiety fuel her she decided to break old habits with open communication about how she was feeling and asked for support. 

We celebrate Kelly as she guides us through her magical day filled with tips on managing the lows after the euphoric high from your wedding day, wedding hacks, and manifesting a love so strong you never want to let it go. 

We also talk about: 

• Setting intentions to manifest one of your happiest days 
• Learning the data point for love 
• How sex hits different on your wedding day 
• How being a wife makes Kelly feel more like a woman 
• Love is communal 
• The energy we are putting out into the universe with our words

Resources: 

Harpest: Jenna Hunt 

Photography: Ashley Hoehn

Find the full episode transcription here

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We acknowledge we are operating on the occupied land of the Ute, Arapahoe, and Cheyenne peoples colonized as Denver - we pay our respects to those past, present, and future. We also acknowledge this statement is not enough and are committed to giving a portion of our proceeds to the people whose land we occupy and are in the process of getting a true land reverence. 

Transcript

Kendle: Hey, y'all. You're listening to no Offense and a loving and nourishing space created to fuel conversations around personal and collective liberation. We're Kelly Kendle, having vulnerable and intentional conversations full of humor, empathy, and, of course, love. 

Kelly: Honestly, these episodes are just our opinions, so take no offense and we invite you to explore yourself through our words, help grow our community by leaving a review and most importantly, sharing. Now, let's get into some self-loving! 

Kendle: before we dive into this episode. A little heads up. There is the occasional background noise. We appreciate your patience, understanding, and for being here with us on this journey. Much love, y'all.

Kelly:

I don't know how recharged I feel yet because, like I said, hungry, happy, sleepy. 

Kendle: It is a sequence of events. 

Kelly: It is, but it will come. 

Kendle: Yeah, I mean, I think that we're talking about a very exciting and energizing and heartwarming and uplifting topic. So I think it just naturally, organically is going to give you that energy you're seeking. 

Kelly: Yes, I know you've been dying to hear about the wedding. 

Kendle: Yes, I'm like tell me about the wedding, I have so many questions. 

Kelly: I definitely want to talk about the wedding because, honestly, the wedding the only word I know how to describe. It is magical. It really, really was. It was just such a good day. Like, I could not have asked for a better day. Your wedding day really should and hopefully is one of your best days that you'll ever have because it was great. It was great from start to finish. It had hiccups along the way. But even the hiccups, you know what? I went in it with just wanting to feel the happiness and the love, and that was really the only expectation I had on it. So everything else that happened was just a part of the day, life's happening. Yes. And everything worked out. And it kind of leads into, I guess, my intentions. So the intention for this podcast episode, the intention is really just for me to share my progress, because when I talk to my therapist right before the wedding, she said my only homework was to be as selfish as possible on my wedding day. And so I feel like I don't celebrate me all the time. I don't talk about wins, I don't do those types of things. So here's my time. 

Kendle: Yes!

Kelly: 

Like, the day I did, I tried to go in there as selfish as possible, so I appreciate everyone chipping in. I really could not have the wedding day that I had unless it was like a group effort. Like, my best friend that helped with the scheduling and the planning of the day, my photographer, who was phenomenal and helped also with timing and just like, having some sort of structure to everything. Since I didn't have, like, a planner, I did it all. My brother getting my grandma on the phone call so she could see the entire day was really nice, and she's in Florida. I also sent her some pictures that I got a sneak peek from the photographer. She said that in one of the pictures, I haven't been able to find it yet, but she is on the bottom corner. You can see her reflection of her on the phone, watching it on her. 

Kendle: That's beautiful. 

Kelly: I know. So she was like I just felt like it's a weird way to say because she turned 90 yesterday. 

Kendle: Wow. Aging is such a privilege. 

Kelly: I know. It's like such a thing to celebrate. Like I said, she got a little drunk at the wedding or her birthday. I'm like, you always know someone's drunk when my stepmom sent me a picture of some of the day since I couldn't be there, unfortunately. But you always know someone is drunk when they have a picture of them. Like fake kind of drinking from the bottle tells her so she looked like she had a great time. But no, she said that she saw herself in that corner and made me feel like she's always there, even though she wasn't able to be there. But the day was great. As, you know, leading up to the day, there were also some speed bumps. So I definitely want to thank you. You know, I was having some issues with my dad going into that day, and your suggestion was to write him a letter, which I did not want to do. I don't want to say I was resistant to it, but I was frustrated because I feel like I'm always the person that has to be the one that does stuff like that, and it gets exhausting. But at the same time, it was something I knew I didn't want to do, but I had to do if it was necessary. And because of that suggestion, I was able to do it also with a thanks to my bestie, who helped me write it a little bit because I needed some encouragement. I gave it to him at the rehearsal before the wedding, and the next day, he wrote me a very nice text message. And he said I shouldn't say, he didn't say, but I could feel like everything I could feel, it was different for him. It's like I had taken off a layer for him. And he could also enjoy, naturally, I want to cry. 

Kendle: That makes my heart just feel so warm. 

Kelly: So thank you for that suggestion. It was great. It was good the day of the wedding too. He had a good time and he was happy and he was smiling. I'll show you the pictures after, but I have the most beautiful picture of him walking me down the aisle, and you could just see how happy he is. You can also see in the bottom corner where Allen's mom is sitting, she's just like, full bawling. It was a beautiful day. Yeah. A little bit before the week too. We kind of talked about it while we were just eating lunch. But my mom was spiraling a little bit beforehand also, so that was also very stressful. And it just internally, I was already having to deal with these issues with my dad, and then now I'm hearing my mom is, like, spiraling. And when my mom spirals, she just becomes a very mean person. You know what I mean? You can see this anxiety that's just, like, in her, and she just doesn't even know what to do with it. And the way that she deals with it is just being, like, negative and mean. She made comments about the wedding before, and it was very typical of my mom. So it's not like I was super surprised, but it was very triggering for me because I just was so annoyed that, like, my two parents, the two people brought the when we get to a moment that's so positive and celebrating me, it was negative. I was not going to cry this episode. I didn't cry a therapy for the the first time yesterday, I had little tears that I just had, like, easy cleanups with, but now I'm crying today. I don't know why. 

Kendle: It's emotional. 

Kelly: Well, it's frustrating. It's like, this should be a moment that's triggering your happiness, and instead it's triggering these negative, anxious emotions. But the day of it, again, was great. My brother was like, can you say something nice to mom? She's spiraling. And it was like, oh my gosh, I'm over here stressing about my dad, and I had to write this letter from my dad, and now I'm having to write this thing to my mom. It's my effing day, and I'm over here having to cater to everybody. So again, this was the day to be selfish. And I was, and it worked out. 

Kendle: How did you find yourself choosing yourself? What would you do to do that? 

Kelly: I think just having that intention of like, hey, this is my day. This is like the permission I'm giving myself is, I going to be selfish. Like, it's all about me. I literally do not care. If I need something, you're going to do it, which felt really nice, and it's not like I went over any borders. I was nice. 

Kendle: You were still you. You were just putting yourself first. 

Kelly: Yes. Some of the other anxiety too, that filled the space before the wedding was it was also my dad's first time meeting my husband. 

Kendle: Yes. That was huge. 

Kelly: So that caused all kinds of anxiety in itself. And then I also had I mean, since I got married, and I knew I had to have all of the family together. That in itself, anxiety.  But leading up to that, I was really proud of myself. I could a feel my own anxiety, know that something is wrong, and take those thoughts and emotions and say, hey, we know something's wrong. What's up? It's okay. Have a conversation with the anxiety. Exactly. We'll figure it out. It's good. Breathe. That's been one that I've been practicing more and more and more, even if it's just three deep breaths to calm myself. So that was really helpful, allowing myself to cry a little bit, too, because I feel like I don't want to ever cry just now. Like, I'm not crying. I can't do it. Allowed myself to cry. And I thought it was also a very interesting experience, because as I'm trying to get my mental health better, one of the things that, along the journey, I found out is I'm so disconnected from what's happening in my body. My mind, body, soul is just completely living in different living in all different directions. And we talked about the trauma that's, like, being held in my sacral chakra. Kendle: Yeah. 

Kelly: When I cry, and I've been noticing this every time I cry, I can feel the pain in here. 

Kendle: Interesting. 

Kelly: Yeah. 

Kendle: You're releasing it. 

Kelly: Is that what that is? 

Kendle: I would assume

Kelly: because yes, I've witnessed the pain, and I'm like, okay. It's scary because obviously I can feel that pain. There no one wants to feel pain. But at the same time, I'm like, oh, my God, I'm so happy that I can feel my body. 

Kendle: Yeah. 

Kelly: I can feel what's wrong with me right now. 

Kendle: I would think it's, oh, this is why I'm crying. This is where this is being stored. This is what's being activated by this. And I think by allowing yourself to cry, you're giving yourself permission to heal that. 

Kelly: Okay. That's good. That's great news. That's even better than how I was feeling. Progress. All of those types of things was very good. And I was also happy because one of the things, again, that I've been doing and it's caused so much depression, is sharing and expressing how I'm feeling. Like, it's such a small thing, right? So silly. It's so silly because it should be just a normal thing that anyone could do, but I don't and because I was nervous about my husband and my dad meeting for the first time, I felt all the anxiety. Instead of just holding that and harboring it and pushing it down or forgetting about it or everything's fine, it's fine. Everything's fine. Yeah. I talked to my husband. I was just like, this is what I need from you to help me through this anxiety. 

Kendle: And that's what this is all about. That's what this day is about. It's him helping you through your best and your worst. And you gave him that permission to step into that role in that moment. 

Kelly: Yes. Stepping back from that masculine right. Stepping into the feminine. 

Kendle: Yes. Because we all have it. A

Kelly: I know. And again, trying to reconnect to that. 

Kendle: And I do just want to say I don't think it's silly that previously in life, it's been hard to express emotions I think that's very natural because our society doesn't want us to be vulnerable. Being vulnerable is seen as weak. I want to normalize that. You are not alone in that. 

Kelly: And you're probably right. I'm sure more people feel like that. They feel alone. Right? You do. 100%. And that's the thing. 

Kendle: Yeah. You do feel alone. 

Kelly: Yes. 

Kendle: I'm really proud of you for saying I feel alone. These students are making me feel more alone. Pivot, 

Both: help me, 

Kelly: husband. I'm marrying here in a couple of days. 

Kendle: Yeah. And allowing right. You have to allow some that trust. 

Kelly: Yes. And he's my husband and I do trust him. But it's again scary. There's always that piece of me. I'm definitely trying to focus more, too on the differences between thoughts and emotions. Yeah. So I know that I trust him, but having that emotion and that actual feeling tied in together is so different. And that was one of the pieces I wanted to talk about, too, for the wedding was my favorite part because everyone asks that, right? I mean, I asked everyone on brunch during the week with family and stuff. Like, what was your favorite part? My favorite part 100% was the amount of love that is in that day. It is so filled with love. It's almost like a euphoric feeling, and it's just so beautiful. And I at least cannot ever remember another day that felt like that. And it's like a high completely, because right after that, like, the euphoric lovefilled weekend kind of ends. And then you go into Monday, back to work, and you're just like, EW, what is this? I want to go back to my fairy tale in a wedding dress, my gown. Everything is about me and my husband but me. This is your experience. Yes. And I was talking to my therapist about it. She loves that I said that because one of the big conversations that I've been having with her is it's hard for me to know what love is. I don't necessarily know how to feel love or share love. And kind of going back to really trying to figure out those thoughts and those emotions, those actual feelings is I always tell her, I know I love, I know I'm loved. But it's that other piece, right? It's that emotion or that feeling that I don't necessarily have right now. And she was like, well, that was on your wedding day, so you can feel it. It was there. And I was like, you're absolutely right. And now that I have that little piece, like, I'm going to keep that. 

Kendle: It's a data point. 

Kelly: Yes. I'm going to find that. I'm going to hold on to that and curate that more. 

Kendle: Yeah. Do you think that you're feeling of not feeling that you know what love is? Because you do feel disassociated and disconnected from your body. So when you are in moments of love, you logically can recognize oh, this is a moment of love. Not necessarily feel it. 

Kelly: Yeah, absolutely. Why that is, I don't know. I know there's been so much that I've lived through and the trauma and abuse. There's a lot of things that led me to this point, and I'm sure if you disassociate more and more, it's harder and harder to feel those things. But like I said, now that I got it, we're holding onto this. Okay, this feels good. I like this that you're not. Yes. So that was definitely my favorite part of the day. 100%. And love is living in the highest vibration. I feel like you can so no wonder Monday was such a crash and bomb. Yeah, naturally, I wasn't depressed, but it was definitely like a grumpy day. But another thing kind of just talking about, like, what am I going to do for me? Why, and how am I going to be selfish? And again, being in tune, in touch with how I'm feeling and not just keeping it going. I took the day off. 

Kendle: Yes, you did!! 

Kelly: I was like, no, not for me. They will survive without me. They will get it figured out. I will deal with this later. But today, I just don't have the energy, and I'm going to respect my body and not force it to go to work and be under that stress. And I just needed the day. 

Kendle: Yes. I mean, from what I know of weddings, they are incredibly stressful. There are so many little pieces that have to come together to make that day happen. The weight is always on the shoulders of the people getting married and adding all other factors, just like family always being problematic for most people, it's a lot, and it's draining. And you are around so many people, and your energy is being absorbed and grabbed by so many people in so many different directions. And so to have a day to just give to yourself, that is self love. 

Kelly: I was exhausted. 

Kendle: Yes. Oh, my gosh. I bet you're still exhausted. 

Kelly: Well, I also had Monday and then Tuesday. Wednesday, I head off also. Thank goodness. But I was like, yeah, you are so exhausted. I didn't get any sleep. It's hard to go to bed, right? Because everything's going on my besties here. I'm so excited. Oh, my gosh. All of those things. And then you're trying to go to bed and again, you're just so like, oh, my gosh, and you got to wake up early and all of that. Plus we were in a hotel, and I never sleep as good in a hotel as my house, even though it was a very nice hotel. My mom, there was an issue with the hotel shout out mom because she got the super upgrade. It was so nice. That also leads into sex. Just hits a little bit different on your wedding day. 

Kendle: I can imagine. Did you ask him to treat you like a virgin that night, too. 

Kelly: No, I didn't. Nor would I have wanted him to! 

[laughter]

Kelly: Yeah, no, it was fantastic. I literally think I had probably one of the best orgasms I've ever had in my entire life. It was funny because it's harder for men to get off and just go again and again and again. But women, right, women can orgasm and orgasm and orgasm and orgasm. 

Kendle: It's why we're so great. 

Kelly: I know, but this is one of those moments where I got off and I was like, I'm done. Well, we went a couple more rounds and then I was done. But I was pretty good. I was like, okay, I can't like, I got my present. Yes, I got off. And now I know what it feels like to see you every time. Yeah, it was great. T

Kendle: That's a gift. 

Kelly: It was fun. Yeah. So wedding sex, just make time for it. Wasn't too exhausted for that. 

Kendle: That's a win. 

Kelly: Oh, total win. It was a great day. It was a great, great day. I also loved a part of the wedding was my brother. I don't think we've talked about he's, like, lost a ton of weight. 

Kendle: Okay, 

Kelly: so my brother has lost a ton of weight. My brother is also going through this mental health journey. He struggled a lot, but he went and got a new suit because everyone had a good dress up. When I tell you that, I could just, like, see the confidence just beaming from his aura. It was incredible. I haven't seen him shine or exude that amount of confidence in so long. And he was feeling himself, and I was living for it. He was not to dress code, completely wore the wrong color, but I did not even care because I could just see that confidence, and I was like, Work, bitch. Okay, I see you. I loved it. I loved every second of it. And Allen even said he, like, walked past my brother and was like, backtracked. Because he's like I totally did not realize that was him. He looked like a completely different person. 

Kendle: Yeah, I love that. From what I assume, the picture I'm creating in my mind is just like this internal light that is shining out. 

Kelly: Absolutely. You could just see it from a mile away. It was beautiful. I was so happy for him. And everyone else that knows my brother all had the same comments. Like, we could just see it. So to see that little bit of growth in his mental health and for him to feel like that just felt so good. 

Kendle: Yeah. To witness him embodying all the work he's been doing, it just sounds like everyone had their struggles leading up to it. And the day of everyone was just on and just was there. And I think you setting that intention of wanting to experience the love and happiness and joy in it radiated to everyone else that was there. And the actions you took beforehand to ensure that that happened magical. It was truly the word. 

Kelly: I looked like goddess. 

Kendle: I can only imagine!! 

Kelly: A fairy goddess in this beautiful garden. My husband looks sexy as hell. He had his custom suit on, looking so fly. I was like, that ass in his costume. I was like, they keep the pants on. 

[laughter]

Kendle: This is what led to that orgasm you had - all the build up to it, right? It's like, that's what women need. 

Kelly: Exactly. 

Kendle: It's not just, let's have sex right now. It's like 72 hours ago. Text me something. And then just like, it keeps building, building. And y'all have been planning this wedding for how long? 

Kelly: A minute. And we got engaged early 2020. 

Kendle: Yeah. So it's been quite a build up to this orgasm. 

Kelly: It has. And those pants. He looks so good on those pants. One of my other favorite moments from the wedding was we got the hotel. He was going to get ready and stay at our townhouse. My best friend was staying with us for the night because she came into town for the wedding and we're trying to pack up and leave so I can get to the hotel so we can get ready. And I just remember hugging him and crying because I was just so happy. The emotions, everything that I was just feeling, I was happy. But you also have this excited energy and all of these things, and I just talked to my cry and I loved that moment. I also didn't want to ruin my makeup later because I'm such a crier. I'm like, I'm doing it now so I don't ruin my makeup later. 

Kendle: And y'all exchanged vows in private? 

Kelly: We did. 

Kendle: Did you cry then? 

Kelly: I definitely got teary eyed during one of the parts that I wrote to him. Wedding hack, though. My girlfriend gave me Q tips to put in my boob, so if I started crying, I could easily absorb the tears without full tissue ruining the makeup. So wedding hack do that. It was very helpful. 

Kendle: Q tips for the win. 

Kelly: Yes. So we did the private vowels. I have some pictures you can see of that. I thought it was really sweet. I just loved having that moment with him. The day or not the day, but the actual ceremony. Ceremony where the officials speaking again. Amazing. The wedding photographer, ashley Hayne. Shout out if anyone needs some wedding photography. She was amazing. 

Kendle: In Denver. 

Kelly: In Denver. She will also go to Ohio. I've seen her go to Hawaii. So if you just need her, she will come to you. And she was amazing. Her husband is an official fine. So her husband officiated my wedding and he did such a good job. I think we were probably one of the first few that he's done. I think he had a couple under his belt, but we were definitely probably one of the first people that he didn't immediately kind of know. But he did a great job. He got our story. It was cute, it was funny. It was everything that I wanted in that moment as well. And it was funny because he was trying to figure out, how long should it be? I have it down to, like, four minutes. I don't know if it should be longer. I thought ten minutes was too long. And he was getting advice from his wife, who does this all the time. She's like, no, it could be longer. And we were talking about it, and I was like, yeah, it can be longer. It is my wedding day, and if I want to stand up there for ten minutes and people have to sit there and listen to our story, they're going to listen to our story. And it was amazing and everyone loved it. Everyone laughed and cried and it was great. 

Kendle: Such a beautiful way to do it is to share the story of what made this day to come together. I love that. 

Kelly: It was nice to have the private vows for me and Alan. Something more intimate, something that I want to share with him. 

Kendle: Could you see each other? 

Kelly: No, we were back to back. We were holding hands because I didn't want to see him until I had that moment at the end of the aisle and he could see you for the first time. He said he looked at my boobs immediately. 

 [laughter]

I mean, it was purposeful. trust me. We watched a thousand episodes of Say yes to the dress. He's probably seen every episode for, like, the last we've been together ten years. I know what my baby likes. I'd be offended if he didn't look at them. Yeah, see, also right. It worked out for him a little bit, too. 

Kendle: Oh, yes. He has a build up, too. 

Kelly: And the veil. Oh, if you get married, get a veil. 

Kendle: Probably won't thank you, though. 

Kelly: I'll just let you wear mine if you want, because everyone should experience being able to wear it. It is the best. 

Kendle: Oh, did he do the thing or did you not cover yourself? 

Kelly: No, I didn't cover 

Kendle: okay, good. Yeah, no, that's the patriarchy. 

Kelly: I was going to say, it did feel a little bit it was funny. I don't know how much I want to dive into the details of it, but the part where my dad hands you off, I was not planning on doing that. And my stepmother was like, you need to do that. And I'm like, okay, I don't care, whatever. But as it was happening, I was feeling very like, 

Kendle: I am not your property. Do you hand off to this other man who is now also I'm not his property? 

Kelly: That's exactly how I felt. But you know what traditional? Whatever. I don't care. Yeah. It made my step mom happy. Yeah. So I don't care. But I was thinking it. 

Kendle: Yes. You're like, okay, being selfish now. 

Kelly: What else during the day. I think that was really the key pieces. I mean, the love, me being able to work through a lot of those emotions leading up to the day that weren't as positive, but not also letting it affect my day. And it worked out. Yeah. I think that's a good lesson in itself. It all worked out. Yes. I work towards getting it to be like that, but that little bit of work just made it perfect. 

Kendle: Yeah. I mean, that thing again is these emotions and these feelings are temporary, and I can do things to make them easier to exist with. Yeah. Just that constant reminder. This is temporary. This is temporary. This too shall pass. 

Kelly: Yes. Being able to feel it and process it and let go of it. 

Kendle: Yeah. That's huge. Did you eat? 

Kelly: We did eat. Caterer was pretty good. As it was time to eat, He got us a plate of food. I hadn't eaten all day. I was starving, but, like, ate two bites and couldn't eat anymore. It was just one of the you know I'm like, we got to go. Our dance was good, too. 

Kendle: What was your song? 

Kelly: So the venue, we could only have live musicians, so we had a harpist and a violinist. And when I tell you it was beautiful, the musicians we had awesome. Jenna Hunt was a harpist. If you need a harpist, she will hook you up. It was gorgeous. And we had her play love on the brain by Rihanna. So she learned the song for a dance. It went well. It was not seamless. It was very hard to dance. My dress, he was stepping on it. I was stepping on it. It was hard, but we made it work. 

Kendle: Sounds comedic. 

Kelly: We were like, we should practice beforehand. Oh, no. But it was his dad's favorite part. One of his parents said it was his favorite part, so it was nice. It was. And the food was pretty good. The carrot cake was amazing. 

Kendle: Oh, you had carrot cake. 

Kelly: Allen's favorite cake is carrot cake. So I made sure our wedding cake was carrot cake. And then I got chocolate ganache cupcakes because I love chocolate. 

Kendle: Oh Yum

Kelly: It was yum. And they were the two favorite things. They were really good. The cake was all of it was really good. I did get that. I was like, I'm eating this good. I won't eat the real food, but I will eat this. Yeah, it was good. 

Kendle: Did you get some room service after your orgasm? 

Kelly: No, we didn't, because that's expensive. That's out of the budget right now. Fair actually correct. The McDonald's drive through on the way to orgasm, we had some little leftover cupcakes. I did have snacks. I got snacks. But honestly, I pretty much remember getting off and not wanting to do anything besides just lay there. It was good.

Kendle: laughter - yes

Kelly: My body was exhausted. I think I also took. A very long shower after that. Yeah, I was just in the warm water. Just all the makeup 

Kendle: and I assume so many bobby pins. 

Kelly: All the things. All the bobby pins, yes. My hairdresser was good too. She was from Texas and my curls lasted for four days. I was like, oh, yeah, she's from Texas. She knows how to make hair big and stay. 

Kendle: After you took a shower, they stayed? 

Kelly: I didn't wash my hair. I just rushed through and I put some conditioner in it. My hair is dry. Four days it lasted, so thank you. So I can't wait to show you pictures. 

Kendle: I know. Did you do a dance with your dad? 

Kelly: I didn't. I should have. I thought about it. We didn't have as much time as I hoped. Okay, I won't name any names, but a big portion of the wedding, like part of the wedding and attendees of the wedding were 45 minutes late. 

Kendle: That's a significant amount of time. 

Kelly: Yeah. Especially when the 4 hours that we have for the rental is not very much time. So a lot of things got pushed back. Yeah, so a lot of things got pushed back. So some of those things I didn't get to do. But I mean, I got to spend the whole day with my husband. It was a great day. Those other moments are probably going to be just a special with my dad. 

Kendle: Yeah, absolutely. 

Kelly: In the picture. I did do a first look with him, though. 

Kendle: That's right. I did do a first look with him. So we did have a very special, intimate moment with each other. He was the first person to see me completely ready, aside from, obviously the photographer, my best friend that helped me in the dress. So I haven't seen any of those photos. I am excited to see those photos. 

Kendle: Yeah. I can only imagine. 

Kelly: I know when I get them, I'll share them. Yeah. I'm going to do a book. It's so funny because I've turned into like, that girl. Like, wedding pictures are going to be all over my house. I do not care. I'm getting a book made. I want the book made. But it's weird, I do feel like a different kind of woman a little bit. I don't know if it was just like everything that happened up until that day and you're just feeling so good. But I did feel like I felt like a wife. I don't know what that means, but I was talking to it about that to my therapist and I was like, I don't know what that means, but it just feels like this little extra sense of woman and like, confident woman. I don't know, it could just be my imagination. 

Kendle: if you're feeling then it's real 

Kelly: yes, that's true. But it's funny because we've been married for a year. 

Kendle: Yeah. It's official now, though. It is. You did it in front of people. You did all the things. You wore the dress. 

Kelly: For my husband, tt was real. A year ago. Yeah, a year ago. To me it was not. It felt real when I got my whole dress in the moment. It probably also helps that last year I was like really depressed. Yeah. And this time I wasn't as much. I'm excited to go to our honeymoon. 

Kendle: Oh, my gosh. Where are you going? 

Kelly: Mexico. 

Kendle: Where in Mexico? 

Kelly: Playa del Carmen. Okay. After we got courthouse married last year, we went directly to Mexico at this resort. I'm so happy this resort ended up being amazing because immediately this is where we're going every year. I'm glad I picked somewhere nice. This is how we celebrate our anniversary. So we're going back to that same hotel and it's really nice. Yeah. The last night they ran us a bubble bath. Oh, my God. They put like rose petals in the room. They ran the bubble bath. So when we got home, I was ready. I'm so tired, I want to go to bed. I got a pack because we were leaving the next day and you walk into like this magic and I was like, oh, never mind. Close off. We're getting into the bathtub. T

Kendle: That is one form of packing, right?

Kelly: [laugher] Yes. 

Kendle: You're going to tell them it's your honeymoon type again? 

Kelly: Oh, yeah. I'm like run that boat bath again 100%. 

Kendle: They're going to be like, wait, are you here again? 

Kelly: Honeymoon anniversary. Yeah, anniversary. 

Kendle: It's how keep the fire alive. 

Kelly: You have to do something. Wait till you even if you don't get married, just get a dress and have a union ceremony or whatever it may be. But every girl deserves to have sex in her wife. Okay.

[laugher]

Kendle: 

Fair. I mean, it's one of those things that is conditioned so hard into us from every angle, especially the Disney movies. And it's like everything conditioning has some things that can be positive. And I think that is like you having all of these boxes checked is why now you officially feel like this wife, like this new woman, and it's just all really beautiful. 

Kelly: Yeah, it really is. It's so nice. It's just something to stay on this vibration, right? Yeah, stay on that vibration. Remember that feeling. Keep welcoming that energy into my life so that it can stay. Also. That's something I was also very hard to I know we have opposing views on law of attraction, but now that I'm welcoming that, like, let's have that, right? Because I do believe if you continuously are thinking negatively or are subjecting yourselves to these patterns, those things are going to always show up. So now that I have this little bit of the opposite of the depression and some glimpse of hope and happiness again, is like, let's keep that ball rolling. 

Kendle: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I do completely agree with that. I think in myself, I noticed if I am here saying I'm depressed, I'm depressed. I'm depressed. I continue to be depressed because out of energy and I'm putting out into the universe. And so that's what's coming back to me. And it's also the mindset of it to say, okay, I am now allowing for this love to enter. I'm existing in love. I'm existing in love. Just seeing where that could go is exciting and even just little things. 

Kelly: I just listened to this. I think it was yesterday or the day before. You kind of forget how negative a lot of your thoughts are without even really noticing. So one of the easiest examples is something that relates so close to my heart, is just saying to yourself, like, I don't want to be late. I don't want to be late because I'm always late, so I'm rushing, right, and I'm like, I don't want to be late. But turning that into even the language of I'm going to be on time, I'm going to be on time, or if you really want to be that overachiever, I will be early, because I'm never early to anything. On time, for me is hard, but right. Even that little small change in language which you don't really necessarily think, like, oh, I'm going to be late is negative, but it really is. And instead of turning it into that more positive, I'm going to be on time. Yeah, I've been using it, and I have been on time. 

Kendle: Hell, yeah. I mean, what evidence of co creation with the universe? Because if I'm saying, I don't want to be late, just say that becomes I am late. And so then the universe is like, oh, you're late. And so then you're going to hit all the red lights. You're going to exist in some type of traffic jam, or when it's an accident, like whatever it might be, the factors are going to come together to align with the message that you're sending through. You've been noticing yourself on time. Also, there's dogs barking. 

Kelly: I know. The doggies, they just get they're protecting us. 

Kendle: And the dogs have stopped barking, so now we're going to bring it back. Bring it back, bring it, bring it, bring it back, bring it back, bring it, bring it, bring it back. Actually bringing it back, though, to some things you said in the beginning about your mom spiraling and having some anxiety about everyone being together. How often have your parents seen each other since they got divorced? 

Kelly: High school graduation. 

Kendle: Okay. 

Kelly: And that wasn't very great either. It's not that they, like, argue or anything like that. You can just feel the energy. It's tension, and they don't I don't know. It's just weird. Yeah, it's a weird energy. Even the wedding day, though, my mom was like, I don't know if I want to see your dad. And then as he was waiting to go into the hotel room for the first look, they ended up talking for ten minutes and enjoyed each other and when we did family photos, my dad was really sweet. He came up to me and he asked, he said, would you like to do a photo with me, you, your mom and your brother? And of course I would want to. So it was like OG family portrait. What? So it was really special. I haven't seen that picture either. I'm very excited to see that picture. And my dad, again, was so sweet. But again, the letter. Right? And being able to soften him a little bit and put him in his face of ease. I'm so teary. Eyes. 

Kendle: Just so beautiful. 

Kelly: Yeah. 

Kendle: I love that. 

Kelly: I'm telling you, it was magical. Literally. The day was perfect. 

Kendle: Yes, it really was. So much going into that, too. And I think the intention of making this day about love and happiness and joy and about yourself and just how that can have a ripple effect.

Kelly: Yes. When I was Manifesting 

Kendle: co creating

[laughter]

Kelly: that's the energy I was trying to manifest, I didn't want to manifest what was going to happen, how it was going to look, and I did not want to focus on that. I only wanted to focus on how I would feel that day. And that's what people say is the most powerful, is when we can give energy to the energy that's going to be existing in it. 

Kendle: And you being able to do that, I feel like, is, again, just such a gift of self love. You really ask yourself at all the moments of how do I give myself love in these moments? And I feel like that's just so evident in how the day all went. 

Kelly: Because what did we talk about earlier about Manifesting? If you manifest from a place of love and gratitude, you will get it. And it was for the greater of everyone that was in attendance. 

Kendle: Side note, I have some resistance to the Westernized versions of Manifesting, and that's where this little riffing always happens. 

Kelly: So let us know if you would like to hear an episode about us talking about it. 

Kendle: Oh, my gosh. Well, I think that to end this and do some rapid fire questions about the day, 

Kelly: I'm for it. I love it. 

Kendle: Okay, here we go. What do you color were your underwear? 

Kelly: tan Beige nude. Because you have a white dress on. 

Kendle: Fair. 

Kelly: Only though. Maybe it's tmi only though because I was on my period and I had to wear underwear. Normally would be nothing. I'm like, always commando. I was really sad that I had to put something on that day, but it's what it is. 

Kendle: Damn. With your period you had your best orgasm ever!

Kelly: girl. Those sheets in the hotel, we might have towel down, but it helped. 

[laughter]

Kendle: It did its part. 

Kelly: It did. 

Kendle: Did Allen wear corsage? 

Kelly: No, he didn't. But he had a little pocket square. 

Kendle: How cute. 

Kelly: It was really cute. 

Kendle: Did you have a bouquet? 

Kelly: I did have a bouquet and it was beautiful. And again, wedding hack, instead of paying $250, go to Costco, get some flowers and do it yourself. Me and my bestie did it together the day before and we had so much fun doing it together. And it was, I think no, I know, it was gorgeous. 

Kendle: Yeah, that's what I did for my friend's wedding. And it was so fun and beautiful and way cheaper 

Kelly: yeah, it was gorgeous because my colors were black and blush and my dress was ivory. So I had ivory because I wanted it to be fairly neutral. So I did ivory roses with these really pretty blushy, pinky, purple roses. And then we bought some greenery like eucalyptus and that type of thing, and put it in there. I'll show you pictures. 

Kendle: Beautiful. Did you wear heels? 

Kelly: I wore heels for part of the day. I have these really cute, all rhinestone, sparkly heels. And I wore them for, of course, the ceremony. I brought them for a lot of the pictures that we did later, but I also wore a fresh, white, crisp pair of Air Force ones. 

Kendle: Yes, you did. 

Kelly: You will also see those in the picture. 

Kendle: What color were your bridesmaids wearing and the groomsmen? 

Kelly: So we didn't have a wedding party. 

Kendle: Oh, that's cool. 

Kelly: We didn't have a wedding party. I had an unofficial made of honor. My best friend Rachel, she helped so much, but we didn't have like a formal one. The wedding was super small, so we just didn't feel like we wanted or needed one. And it was our day, so I get to do whatever I want. Yes. But we had all of the guests wear blush and black because my husband was in light gray and I was in ivory, so we would pop and everyone looked cohesive in pictures. Everyone looked really good. And that's when I talked about my brother feeling fly in his suit and he was not in dress code. Only when not in black or blush, you're like, I don't care. And I don't care because he is so flying right now. I love it so black and blush was the theme. Everyone looks so good too. 

Kendle: Yes, I love that. What a beautiful image that just creates. 

Kelly: Yes. 

Kendle: I hope that the love, the energy is evident throughout this podcast because I can feel it. It's tangible, the way you're smiling. 

Kelly: I had no energy and now I'm like, totally energized. 

Kendle: And I think that's just another data point for you to give to yourself of. I'm tapping into that energy of that day and now look at where I am. 

Kelly: I've been looking at the pictures every day and it just makes me love my husband more and more and more. 

Kendle: So as people are listening to this, hopefully it's just making you feel that same because love is communal. It's not really like just a love that you have for him. It's like this energy that we all are co creating and existing in, and we're all a part of that. It's just really beautiful. It's real. 

Kelly: Thanks for listening. 

Kendle: Yeah, thank you for sharing. I feel like I was, like, a little fly on the wall. People are probably like, Wait, you're doing a podcast today? But you weren't even at her wedding. We don't know each other. 

[laughter]

Kelly: Right. I thought about that, too. I was like, oh, God, I feel like Kendle should be here, but we literally just met. It's expensive. 

Kendle: It's totally fair. 

Kelly: No, I'll show you pictures, though, and you'll be there for the rest of it, and that's all that matters.

Kendle:

Absolutely 

Kendle: Thank you for holding space with this conversation. We hope it was expansive. As a new podcast, it would mean the world if you could please help us grow our community by leaving a review and sharing this episode. 

Kelly: Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss out on any of the juicy conversations. We would love to connect with you, so follow us on Tiktok, Instagram and our patreon, coming soon.